A Few Tips For Getting Started

I thought I'd write a few of the things we did to get our boys comfortable with using the toilet (I think only the first tip will apply to training girls. Maybe the second if you find a way to adapt it).

*First of all, we talked about it comfortably with the boys before we even thought about starting training. We also let them watch us use the toilet from early on. It's starting to get a bit weirder for me, now that Drew and Owen are noticing the different body parts and who has (or doesn't have) what. But I'm straightforward and honest with them (without divulging too much, of course), telling them proper terminology, so they don't end up like Elliot on Scrubs, using words like "bajingo" and "hoo-ha." I think letting them watch us helped them see how it works and what the routine is (wiping, flushing, hand-washing, et cetera).

*Find something exciting about it. Drew and Owen like bubbles. When they discovered that pee sometimes makes bubbles when it hits the toilet water, they were all excited to get in there and try. Even now that they've been using the toilet for a while, they still come out of the bathroom and say, "I made bubbles, Mom!" Some little boys enjoy target practice. They actually sell targets, but I think they cost more than they're worth. I've heard of people using Cheerios or other round cereal, and letting the boys try to hit them with their pee.

*Show them how to pee standing up. The boys have seen their dad do it, but when he's at work, it's up to me to teach them, so I just stand them on a little stool in front of the toilet and position their little bodies so the pee gets where it needs to. I used a squirt gun to sort of imitate what would happen. They've adapted their own method, which involves leaning way over the toilet and holding onto the back of it. It works for them. I think standing up helped them because facing the toilet lets them see what's going on and they don't have to feel precariously perched atop the big thing. We've actually had more success since they started standing than we ever did with them sitting on the Cushie Tushie. And it's a lot easier for them to hit their target and not spray the room.

*A neighbor of ours let her boy practice on a tree in her yard. She said he was way more relaxed about it. For a few days, he would only use the toilet for a bowel movement, preferring to run outside to pee. When the novelty wore off, he started using the toilet to pee instead of using the local flora*.

*For bowel movements, I let the boys go in their diapers at nap time for a few days (they seemed to be saving up for that anyway) while they got the peeing thing down. Now, when I notice them making a face like they need to poop, I whisk them into the bathroom and sit them down on the toilet. The first time or two they resisted, but I held their legs, gently pushing them down onto the seat. Then I looked them in the eyes and told them, "You need to sit here to poop. Would you like me to sit next to you or would you like me to leave the room while you sit?" Usually, they'll have me sit on the side of the tub and chat with them while they wait for their bowels to move. We sing songs or talk about cars or whatever, just make it really relaxing, trying not to focus too much on why they're really there. When their grunting and pushing interrupts the conversation, I just calmly say, "Nice work. Almost there," or something like that, then go back to the conversation. Before they know it, the task is done.

I feel pretty lucky that both boys are sort of on the same page with all of this. Generally, the techniques I use work for both boys and I don't have to come up with a bunch of crazy, creative ideas for each boy separately. I'd like to hear what's worked (or is working) for other people.

*Glad this Blogger has an "edit" function. I typed up and published my post, then re-read it only to realize instead of typing "flora" I had typed "fauna." Plug that into the sentence to see what it reads. I'm getting the giggles, picturing the scenario in my head: When the novelty wore off, he started using the toilet to pee instead of using the local fauna.

Poop Success to Poopy Mess

I know that toilet training takes time, but sometimes I wish I could just snap my fingers and *poof* it would be done. I think so far the boys have done really well overall. They each seem to average two accidents per day, but not major ones. Just a little wet spot on the front, then they're able to finish the job in the toilet.

Each boy has had a successful bowel movement in the toilet. Today Owen even ran to the bathroom on his own to sit on the toilet. I find it interesting how each boy reacts to praise. Owen gets a little shy and I can picture him as the boy in high school who says, "Mom, take it easy. You're embarrassing me," then tries to act all nonchalant. This is the vibe he sends when I load on the praise after he drops a twosie in the toilet. Drew on the other hand, claps and jumps up and down and says, "Yay! Drew did it!" then runs around and tells everyone. When we call Grandpa on the phone, the first thing Drew says is, "I poop a toilet."

Each boy has also had a mess in their pants, within 20 minutes of pooping in the toilet. I guess the next thing to work on is returning to the toilet, or staying on it until the bowels have been moved.

I don't know if anyone is still even reading this blog, but if any of you readers have any experiences or tips that might help other readers, feel free to email me and I can turn them into a post.

Number One Pretty Much Done

It seems like Drew and Owen have peeing down pretty well. Drew only had two accidents today, Owen had none. Both boys have gone on their own to use the toilet without being reminded. We aren't being very consistent with rewards anymore. I had been using a chart with seven boxes and when they got a star in every box, they got a cookie. So they could get a cookie (or maybe more*) every day. Now, we still hand out the praise like it's going out of style, but sometimes we don't put a star on the chart. I sometimes mentally count how many times they've gone and give them a cookie (especially on the occasion of them going without being reminded by me), but lots of times we just skip it. The boys don't seem to care much one way or the other, but of course are always grateful for a cookie. It looks as though they're really catching on (hope it sticks)!

Pooping is a different story. It seems to me like the boys are saving up for nap time, because we've been putting them back in diapers "just in case." They usually wake up from naps dry but stinky--if that makes any sense. I think I may have to start sitting them down on the toilet before naptime, and just stay until they get the job done. I've read somewhere, though, that they shouldn't sit on the toilet for too long without success, so I might set a time limit... I dunno. I went to babycenter.com for answers, and found some good ones. Check them out! I especially like the comment about the "hokey pokey," potty style.

*A friend told us that when she was toilet training her daughter she went to the dollar store and bought all kinds of prizes and rewards to dole out every time the daughter used the toilet. The little girl caught on pretty quickly: she figured out that she could hold some in every time, then go again in a few minutes and get more toys that way. Clever!

Hope on the Horizon

I decided to try my friend's method after all, but I've altered it a little. Like Lura mentioned in her comment on my previous post, having the kid stay in the bathroom 'til the next time they need to pee could mean a long time in the bathroom.

Today, what I noticed with Drew is that when he wets his big-boy pants, he doesn't go very much. It's like he realizes right away what's going on and is somehow able to stop the stream before it becomes a full-on river. So I have him try to use the toilet before I wash him off in the shower. So far, so good. He's been able to go at least a little bit on each occasion, and for me, that counts! With Owen, he had bigger accidents (including a "twosie," as they call it on 'Scrubs'), but was still able to squeeze out a little tinkle so I didn't make him stay in the bathroom after I cleaned him up.

It's been an interesting day. Both boys have been pretty good about using the toilet (even without me reminding them a few times). If there is an accident, the kid who did it would say, "I don't have to need a shower!" And that's how I'd know to check their britches. Though, at times throughout the day, Drew would randomly say, "I don't have to need a shower!" I'd check him and he'd be dry. So I took it as a hint that he needed to go and he usually did. Other times I'd randomly hear, "Drew needs a shower!" from Owen, or "Owen needs a shower!" from Drew. Luckily those were all false alarms. Silly little tattle tales.

Generally, though, the boys sort of resigned themselves to the shower. They cry when I tell them we have to clean them up (because they know that means cold shower), and Drew will sometimes plead, "I just wanna have wipes!" But I remain firm, telling them, "When we mess our big-boy pants, we have to get all cleaned up." And they will say, through their little tears, "Okay." Then they proceed to wail and cry through the whole shower (which is about half a minute long or a minute for the "big messes" --'cause those take longer to clean up), but act all brave and like they didn't care when it's time to get out.

Another thing I altered (and I forgot to mention this sort-of-important part in my previous post; my friend recommended using a shower hose that attaches to the faucet for kids like Drew who are already really afraid of the overhead shower. That way, you don't get water in their face or anything, you just wash the area that needs washing, and it will still be uncomfortable enough that they won't want to face that consequence again.): I meant to pick up a shower attachment when I went to the store to buy more underpants for the boys, but I totally spaced getting it. In the mean time, I'm just letting the tub faucet run full blast (Drew is also afraid of this--but really, what isn't he afraid of?) with the cold water and sort of splashing/pouring it onto the kid with my hand or a wash cloth, depending on the size and nature of the mess.

I'm pretty optimistic so far, with this method. The boys seem to be catching on to what peeing (and needing to pee) feels like without a diaper on, and they seem to be making the necessary adjustments (going to the toilet). Hopefully things keep going this way! My friend said that two of her boys were trained within two days using this method. Her other boy is quite "spirited" and a little stubborn, and took about a week--mostly because he just didn't want to interrupt his playtime to make a twosie in the toilet or to tell anyone that he'd done it in his pants.

The Tough Love Method

I heard of a new toilet training method today. A guy at church told David and me, "You should ask my wife what she did to toilet train our kids." Then he raised his eyebrows and chuckled. I was pretty intrigued just based off that info right there, so today at church I asked her what she did. She replied, "Before I say anything I have to ask: How do you feel about your kids crying? Like, a lot?" I was honest with her: it doesn't bother me at all. I mean, I don't want my kids hurt, but their tears (particularly fake ones) don't throw me into a tizzy. I usually comfort them calmly (except in the case of fake tears, when I just ignore them 'til they calm down). But I gotta say, after this, I was even more intrigued. Here's the method as she explained it (or as I understood her explanation--so it might actually be a little different):

This method is used by Health and Welfare Services to toilet train autistic children. You start by telling your kid that they'll be wearing big boy (or big girl) pants from now on, talking to them about using the toilet when they need to. You have them wear underwear from there on out. When they use the toilet, they get a reward, praise, lots of positive reinforcement. (Here's the tough love part, which is probably the crying part:) If they use their pants instead of the toilet, you talk to them about what happened, and you say, "Now we need to clean this up." You put them in the tub and wash them with a cold shower (not ice cold, but cold). You put them in clean clothes and then you have them stay in the bathroom until they use the toilet. When they use the toilet again, you give them a reward, praise and the positive reinforcement. Repeat as needed. The thing is, with this method is staying positive, even when your kid has an accident. You never make it sound like they are a bad kid, you just let them know that when they have an accident it has to be cleaned up. The cold water shower is not a punishment, but it is a consequence. Even after the child has been using the toilet for a long time, they might have an accident. At this point, you help them clean it up, but you don't do the cold water shower unless the accidents become really frequent, then you'd start the training over.

I'm not sure if I'm going to use this method or not. It sounds pretty effective, but I don't relish the part about letting my kids run around without diapers; it sounds messy. I guess that's something we're really aiming for though, letting the boys wear underpants and not having to buy diapers (it'll be like getting a huge raise when we no longer have that expense), but I'd rather they were a little better at using the toilet and not their pants before we give them that much freedom. So we'll see...

Takin' It Easy, But Still Takin' It...

I get burned out so easily. With lots of things.

I was working part time cleaning apartments for some friends, and even though I enjoyed the money, I did a couple two hour jobs and one five hour stint (it was a horribly messy apartment) over the course of like, a week, and now I never want to go back.

I get on a kick and clean my entire house top to bottom in one day, and then I don't want to touch it for five days, so by the time I feel like cleaning it again, it takes one day of cleaning from top to bottom again.

I started toilet training the boys on Monday, acting all enthusiastic and trying to be consistent. By Tuesday, I'd had enough and now, four days later, I haven't done much of anything with toilet training.

Are we sensing a pattern here? I'm learning that the key to everything (including toilet training)is in moderation. I just thought of a scripture that applies to toilet training (scriptures really are universal!): And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order. (Mosiah 4:27) This scripture actually applies to just about everything, and it pops into my mind in so many different situations.

I appreciated Kadee's comment from the other day; a couple hours a day for a week sounds like something we can definitely start with. I think we'll do our toilet training in the mornings--that's when we're most relaxed since we usually have no where to be. Also, that's when the boys do most of their playing (that's when we have the neighbor kids over), and I'd like to help them realize that they can interrupt play time to use the toilet for a minute or two, and that life (and play time) still goes on.

Drew and Owen definitely have no problems interrupting bed time to use the toilet (when I tell them it's time for bed, they yell, "NO! It's not time to bed! I have to ooze [Owenese for "use"] the toilet!" Then they run into the bathroom to "make bubbles." It cracks me up how they stand on the stool in front of the toilet, hold their little (okay, big) bellies and grunt. Unnnggg! 'Cause like my track coach always said, "Grunting improves performance."

A Catch 22

I want to get the boys big kid beds. I think it would make bedtime and nap time easier, because they would feel like they're going to bed, and not to jail. I also think it would make toilet training easier, because they could get up on their own and use the toilet, rather than waiting for me to get them out of their crib. David sort of agrees, but doesn't want to get them real beds until they're toilet trained, mostly because of what we've seen them do to their cribs.

For example, we've had quite a time trying to get them to keep their diapers on at nap time. We've tried safety-pinning their shirts to their pants. Drew just got poked in the belly. We tried duct tape. They rip through it unless it's wrapped around 5 times. I can't decide if it's more economical to wash the sheets every day (there's always other laundry to throw 'em in with; it's not like I'm washing just sheets) or buy a roll of duct tape every two or three days. The duct tape is probably more environmentally friendly. Maybe... In any case, the diapers come off and the beds get wet and sometimes poopy.*

I think I'm going to put my foot down and tell David let's just get them some beds and some plastic sheets. I don't see that the plastic sheets will be that horrible to sleep on considering they're used to sleeping on their plastic crib mattresses (sometimes, after they take off their diapers--or maybe before--they take the sheets off their beds and sleep on the plastic). Anyway, we can always cover the plastic sheets with cloth sheets.

Yesterday was a day of diaper removal. Twice. I had been reading a book while the boys were "napping," and I heard them giggling in that special way that means they're up to no good. I went in there and told them to shape up. They had their diapers off and the sheets nice and wet so I changed the sheets and put the diapers back on. I went back out to read some more. I heard the giggling again, so I went in again. I put the diapers back on. Again. At least they hadn't emptied their bladders on the sheets again. I don't think they ever went to sleep; I just eventually let them out to play, at which point they said, "We had a good nap, Mom!" I'm sure.

The boys did use the toilet on their own yesterday. Just once. We were hanging out in the living room and suddenly Drew was gone. I found him in the bathroom, naked from the waist down, "making bubbles." Owen followed us in and wanted a turn, too. So they both took a few turns using the toilet. I wonder if they forget that they just went and when they see their brother going, they think, "I need to go, too." That's fine with me. I'm sure I can think of a way to use the competition to my advantage.

*We had a "smell mystery" that I just solved a couple days ago. (I'm posting this on here rather than my other blog because it involves bodily functions.) I went into the boys room to get them up from their naps and they both had their diapers off and were sleeping in a puddle. On top of that, Owen was sleeping next to a little lump of something. I cleaned everything up, but the room just kept stinking and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I asked Owen, rather rhetorically, where the smell might be coming from. He pointed to the wall by his crib, which I discovered, upon closer look, was "painted" with some of the lump that Owen had been sleeping next to. It had blended in because the wall in question is a rather dark maroon-ish-brown color. I cleaned that all up, but the room still stunk. I thought it was just from changing diapers because it wasn't really a constant smell. It seemed to come and go. Then, two days ago, the boys and the neighbor kids decided to play "mail truck" in the boys' closet. I don't know how they decided that the closet looks like a mail truck, but apparently it does. They threw a bunch of clothes and papers out of it, and there on the floor was a pile of "Merle presents." I guess he had been either locked in the boys' room or locked out of the cat box. Or maybe he was seeking revenge for some offence Drew or Owen put upon him. Who knows? The "gifts" were from two separate occasions, and I can't believe I didn't find them sooner. Every time I sniffed around the closet, the smell seemed to disappear. And I guess I didn't move enough stuff around to uncover the surprise myself. So I thought it was coming from elsewhere in the room. But there it all was. After cleaning it all up, the boys' room smells much, much better.

Our First Minor Setback

We started out all enthusiastic with this toilet training stuff yesterday. Today, we're not as enthusiastic. I think there are a few things factoring in:

*I'm tired. I had to get up early today to watch the neighbor kids while their mom is at class. It wouldn't be so bad, except I'm still having a hard time going to sleep early, and I don't sleep well once I am asleep. So I don't really feel like pressing the issue today.

*The boys are tired. They get up early when the neighbor kids come over, too, because the kids are loud and the boys are so excited to play.

*The boys would rather play with the neighbor kids than use the toilet. Drew screamed and wailed all the way into the bathroom. He refused to remove his britches so I did it for him. He tucked up his legs and refused to stand on the stool. Okay, he can pee sitting down. Lots of boys prefer it, so I hear. But when I put him on the toilet, he shimmied right off and tried to run. I figure since his diaper was already slightly wet, he probably wouldn't go much anyway (if at all) so I just let him go get dressed.

We'll try some more after nap time, I guess. I decided that the reminder monkey I used yesterday was a bit excessive and maybe a little stressful. I mean, every twenty minutes? No kid pees that much. It did cause me to be aware, though, of how often the boys actually do pee, which is more like every hour and a half. At the most. So I might set the reminder monkey and just ignore two out of every three times it sings, "Time to Go Potty!" and have the boys try to use the toilet every hour.

Not Ashamed To Use Bribery

Today is our first hard-core day of toilet training. I'm employing a few different tactics to get through it:

*The in-laws gave us a toilet training kit (I'm sure they just meant to help, but I still feel like, What are you trying to say?). It comes with a little hippo that the boys get to push its belly after they use the toilet. It says things like, "You're a potty pro!" and, "Fantastic flushing!" and, "You're a clean, mean, bathroom machine!" The boys love it. I like it because it offers an immediate reward and positive reinforcements on top of the praise I give them.

*The kit also came with a reminder monkey that says "Time to use the potty!" every 20 minutes. It's so annoying and it interrupts everything (like typing this post), but it helps us stay on top of things and give the boys a chance to use the toilet before they use their diaper.

*I made a reward chart that the boys can color when they poop in the toilet (I got the idea from Lura, who got her boy a train after he went so many times--how many times did he have to go to get the train, Lura?). The reward we'll start out with is a trip to the ice cream shop with Grandpa. After the boys poop in the toilet seven times and color in the cone, then they can go with Grandpa for ice cream.

When we first started talking about what we get to do when we use the toilet, the boys said they wanted to ride in Grandpa's Corvette. I didn't think that would work because a) Drew is afraid of it and when the time came to get in he'd probably throw a tantrum, and b) there is no backseat in the Corvette, thus nowhere for the carseats to go. But we had fun talking about riding in the Corvette anyway. The conversation went like this:

Drew: I want to ride the Corvette!

Mom: What do you have to do to ride in the Corvette?

Drew: I have to...um...pee in the toilet!

Mom: That's right! But maybe instead of the Corvette, you could go get ice cream with Grandpa.

Owen: I want to get ice cream Grandpa!

Mom: What do you have to do?

Owen: I dunno!

Drew: I have to pee in the Corvette!

Owen: You don't pee in the truck, Drew!

Random!

Here We Go!

I'm starting this blog for a couple reasons:
*I want to document my kids' toilet training (there are a couple reasons behind this, too: *Various relatives seem to think that toilet training is just really easy and that their kids were toilet trained as soon as they could walk, and that our kids are just slow and we're not trying hard enough. *This will serve as a record of what it's really like for our family. *I can look back on it when my grand kids are being toilet trained and remind myself not to make comments about what my kids should and shouldn't do because every kid is different, and toilet training really is that stressful sometimes.)
*There are probably people who enjoy my other blog, but don't really want to hear all about poop and pee and all the other stuff associated with toilets and toddlers. But there might be readers who are in (or have recently gotten out--lucky!) the same boat as we are and could use some reassurance or share tips or whatever.

If everything goes well, this blog will be short-lived, but will start up again in a year or two when it's Samantha's turn. Wish us luck!